Isn’t it true to say that our homes are a safe haven, a place of refuge, a place to be safe. Yes, for many thankfully this is so. I digress here to the many homes that receive a diagnosis of a member of the family. It can be a child or parent. It can be a diagnosis that is life threatening or life altering. From one day to the next the lives of the whole family can be altered forever.
Family is an amazing unit and it is the support that the family gives, that helps the person get through. Support for the person with the diagnosis is without question vital and paramount.
I want to shine a light on the silent trauma of the members of the family who are also dealing with an inner trauma of worry, guilt, trying to be strong, stress, supressing their own feelings. A sense of false strength that must be upheld. A sense of trying to hold everything together.
What is trauma? It results from exposure to an incident or a series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individuals functioning mental, physical, social, emotional and/ or spiritual wellbeing. Within that there are three types of trauma: acute, chronic and complex. I believe that when a person in the family unit receives a diagnosis that not only should they receive treatment but the other members of the family should also receive further support. They need individual, emotional and psychological support which would be of great benefit .
Trauma is not the same for everyone. We tend to assume that trauma is for someone who has been at war or in a serious accident. Many traumas happen in the mind in out subconscious and leave a lasting mark. We need to recognise it, allow it, befriend it, sit with it and let it move on, this is where we take ownership of our feelings.
Many emotions arise like frustration, anxiety, self-blame, shock and worry all come into the mix and are most unwelcome and they all arrive at different times to different members of the family. Survival can become a constant. Emotions can get cemented in and cracks form. It is silent and there is no measure.
There is truly another way to look at this. We all know the serenity prayer “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” A beautiful prayer but a tall act of acceptance, not so easy!
Perhaps allowing the family members to voice their feelings, look and recognise their trauma, allowing them to accept how they feel they can moreover start a new journey looking at self-acceptance and recognising their emotions. This is where change can happen, where emotions can be teased out. Family members can get a new perspective on the events in the family dynamic. The beauty of each individual explored, allowed, expressed.
You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to talk, to express your feelings and emotions. What happened does not define you. How you feel matters.
When change comes into our homes it is important that we adapt to this change with the correct understanding, that we allow the awareness of the emotions to be part of the journey moving forward.
