Our longest running contributor, Self Help Africa founder Ronan Scully shares his wisdom on life, religion and wellness.
Many things can deeply affect our wellbeing, our sense of self, freedom and who we are every day. Bullying is one of those things. It can affect anyone and happen almost anywhere such as in the playground, at school, at work, in your social or sports club, at home, on the streets or online. Bullying is a very serious matter and can have lasting and devastating consequences.
I am the parent of two teenage daughters. These last few weeks the message from the Irish Justice System and from many trolls online to my daughters is that you can be a bully and can make the most vile, evil and abusive comments to a young athlete or a young female can be viciously beaten unconscious and the consequences for the offenders bullying words and actions are at best limited and at worst non-existent. Irish society is definitely in a very dark place at the moment.
Also in a very recent report, ‘Perspectives on Bullying Behaviour 2023’ a third of post-primary students feel unwelcome in their school according to survey findings contained in a report by Department of Education inspectors into bullying behaviour in schools. The report, which looks at bullying at both primary and second level, is based on survey responses completed by a large number of teachers, school principals, parents, others who work in schools, and by 2,346 children and young people.
Almost one in three post-primary students and one in ten primary and special school pupils said they occasionally, rarely, or never felt either a sense of belonging in their school, or felt that it was safe to express themselves authentically there. Many post-primary students surveyed expressed concerns about the effectiveness of schools in managing bullying behaviour.
“While there was a consensus that bullying behaviour was not tolerated in schools, children and young people indicated a lack of confidence in teachers’ ability to consistently identify signs of bullying behaviour,” the report said. Jesus Christ himself was a victim of torture, suffering incredible pain and indignity by the authorities.
He was a victim of bullying and name-calling and many wished he would just go away. After various unsavoury happenings in recent weeks, let us reflect on how we can better recognize bullying in ourselves and others so we can build more welcoming and loving homes, schools, streets, businesses, companies, communities and countries.
Sticks and Stones
Like me you probably grew up and were taught, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But I want to tell you that it’s not true. I broke plenty of bones playing football and hurling and I’ve been teased, mocked and at times bullied.
And I can tell you firsthand, the wounds of a broken body heal far more quickly and more cleanly than the damage words or bullying or hate speech can cause. Words matter. Words have weight, they can wound, they can divide, they can destroy, and they can even bring death. Bullying and hate speech is evil, because it strips another person of his or her worth and dignity. Let’s stop being horrible to one another. If we must disagree on issues of the day let’s try to do it in a respectful manner.
Sometimes not easy I know, but what we pass off as an off the cuff remark or insult can have a profound effect on those at the receiving end and on their families and friends. A mother recently told me about the horror of bullying that her daughter is going through and has gone through in her school and where her cries for help have fallen on deaf ears from the powers that be in our society.
Although her daughter has become stronger and more assured after she dealt herself with the bullying and thank god is doing well in life now. But not everyone survives this experience. In the last few years a great deal of attention has been drawn to the subject of bullying, in light of some high-profile suicides which were the result of bullying.
And while bullying in schools and amongst teenagers and young adults is nothing new, it seems that bullying has gained a whole new dimension, thanks largely to technology, social networking and the Internet. Instead of trading punches on the playground after school and going home to cuts and bruises, bullies can now perpetrate their taunts and torture victims morning noon and night, with the ability to reach their vulnerable victims in the middle of the night in the “sanctuary” of their own homes.
Many of these taunts, such as those posted on the Internet; do not disappear as quickly as cuts and bruises. Once uploaded, they may very well be out there forever, allowing victims no reprieve, even when their bullies are not within physical proximity. We must as a society try to stamp out the real evil of bullying in our schools, in our communities, on our streets and in our country and most importantly in our world.
Leave Footprints of Kindness
As the saying goes, “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” The fruit of all true life practices is kindness, kindness to others and also to ourselves. It is easy to speak and read about kindness, it is another to make it into your flesh and bones. In most cases, kindness is not beyond any of us because it usually costs no money.
Didn’t it make your day too? Many people extend kindness as part of their good nature, but what if we made a more conscious effort to be even kinder by practicing kindness regularly? We will be spreading good feelings and making a difference that has a lasting, ripple effect and undoubtedly changing the world. Practice kindness while expecting nothing in return except the good feelings that these acts provide is life-giving and can also be life-saving.
Teacher’s advice
“A teacher was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take out a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but not to rip it.
And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they try to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullies another child, or an adult bullies another adult, they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.”
Thought for the week
As your thought for the week, never underestimate the power of your words and actions! Always as much as possible try to use them for the good and well being of others! A prayer I always say from my Nana Scully’s prayer book goes as follows, “Heavenly Father, those who bully others in manipulative or overt ways, and use their power in school, in work or family situations, to oppress and to deliver injustice to others, are responsible for needless stress and misery in others’ lives.
